Sunday, December 14, 2014

The one about getting up at 5.

My kids have some sort of evil plot against me and have decided that their new wake up time is 5 am. This is terrible obviously. No one loves getting up at 5 am. In fact I've compiled the Top 5 reasons why getting up at 5 am sucks.

5. No one is happy at 5 am. I'm crabby. The kids are crabby. Everyone is tired. No one got a desirable amount of sleep. 

4. You have to drink 2 cups of coffee in order to feel human. But 2 cups of coffee gives you the jitters and makes it to where you can't nap later. It's the ever apparent coffee/nap crisis. 

3. You are guaranteed to have a weird schedule for your baby for the rest of the day. When the first nap of the day is at 7 in the morning, you just know the day is going to be weird and illogical. 

2. The sun isn't up. It should be sacrilege to wake up before the sun is up. If the sun isn't up, you aren't up. I've tried to explain this logic, but Tristan just stares at me blankly as if he has no idea what I'm talking about. 

1. Caillou is on at 5. Caillou is terrible and all kids love it. There are so many terrible things about Caillou I could say. Why is he bald? Why is his show a dream sequence for puppets? Why does he have such a terrible, whiny voice. WHY?!?! Terrible. And if you get up at 5 you will be forced to watch that terrible show and it'll just irritate you because you should be sleeping but instead you are listening to that whiny little asshole complain.

In short, I'm crabby as hell. I hate getting up at 5. I would be cool with 7 or even 6. But, 5 just makes me say, really kids, really?

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