Monday, October 27, 2014

The one about HOMEMADE MOTHERFRICKING CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP!

It's that glorious time of year. You know the one I'm talking about. The one where you just throw shit randomly into the crockpot, crossing your fingers that it turns out edible. The time of year where you pin shit like some sort of internet crazed crack addict. A crack addict whose cocaine is delicious soups and shit. Because, let's be honest here. Is there any freaking thing better on this green Earth then eating soup on a cold day? Or an unseasonably hot day? It was 87 degrees here today. Go home Missouri, you're drunk. It's almost November. You know what, I looked that hot day in the face and I said, "Kiss my ass, hot day. I'm fucking throwing shit in my crockpot anyway." And I did. And because I'm the generous type, I'm going to share that with you. I'm also going to share this poorly photo shopped picture of Prince's head on someone else's body eating soup, because it's guaranteed to give you this result when you eat it.

It's Purple Rain, y'all.


NOW, on to that recipe, yo:

BOMB DIGGITY CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP:
-2 Medium Sized Frozen Chicken Breasts
-6 cups of stock. I like to put 6 1/2 cups sometimes, because, you know I'm a rebel like that.
-2 cups of chopped carrots, they can be frozen, too. Hell, everything I put in is frozen pretty much because I'm not going to spend a bunch of time chopping all the time. Ain't nobody got time for that. Chop up big batches of your veggies and freeze them.
-1 cup of frozen peas
-1 bay leaf
-1/2 teaspoon paprika
-1 teaspoon garlic powder
-1/4 cup chopped onion (can use dry onions if you'd like)
-1 teaspoon parsley 

Separate:
-Desired amount of egg noodles or whatever you have lying around, rice, whatever.

Put all this stuff in your slow cooker and cook it on High for 6 hours or low and slow for however the heck long you'd like, but not over 10 hours. Let's nobody get crazy here. After your time is up, take out the breasts and shred them up with 2 forks and take out the gross pieces. I'm crazy about fat being on my chicken. Can't stand it. But, if you like it, keep it on there for ambiance or whatnot. Throw them back in there. Now, let that percolate over there by it's bad self while you go and make some noodles. DON'T PUT THE NOODLES IN THE CROCKPOT. Rookie mistake. If you put the noodles in with the broth it won't taste as fabulous the next day because all the delicious stock will be gone. So, here's what you do my friend. Put a spoon full of noodles on the bottom of your bowl and then 2 good sized ladle fulls of the chicken soup mixture over top of that. When you go to save your extries, make sure you put the noodles separate or you will cry when there's no liquid left in the morning. OH, AND MAKE SURE YOU TAKE OUT THE BAY LEAF. You don't eat those. Not because they are poisonous like popular belief, but because they taste sick. You could totally eat it if you wanted. Urban legends are being broken. The skies are opening. The world has changed. EAT THE SOUPPPPPPPP!



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