Wednesday, June 25, 2014

The one where I keep her up late.

To my amazing 3 year old:

Some nights I'm selfish. You should be sleeping. We pick out 2 bedtime stories but we read far more. You love the book I wrote for you about your first year and my pregnancy with you. We look at the ultrasounds and the pictures I spent hours pawing through when I should have been working and you tell me your story since we've read it so many times and my heart overflows with love. So I keep you up.

When we get into bed and I ask you your favorite part of the day and you always surprise me with what you liked the most, I keep you up.

When we talk about what we are thankful for and every single night you wrap your arms around my neck and tell me you are thankful for me and then go on to list every relative you can think of, I keep you up.

When sometimes you tell me I'm your favorite Alex, I don't correct you and say  I'm your mommy, I just keep you up.

As you reach for me to hold my hand sometimes as you fall asleep I remember you won't always be 3 you will be 13 one day and I will be longing for you to need me like you do now, so I keep you up.

As I watch you stroke the fur on the face of your lovey, Bunny Pillow, and slowly fall asleep shd start to snore my heart bursts and breaks at the same time knowing another day with you is gone. You are getting bigger and you are so excited to get big, but I will miss these days so much so I keep you up.

You are endlessly kind and loving to your little brother. He loves you so much and I am so happy we were blessed with both of you that I keep you up.

I keep you up because I can't believe that I made you and you are good. You are so good sweet girl. Don't ever forget that. And I may just be selfish again and keep you up because I can't stand to lose a minute of it.

Forever yours,
Your favorite Alex
Mommy


The one where you say goodbye to a friend.

Today is a hard day. Today I say goodbye to my dog of 10 years, Wiener. I remember driving to the pet shop that used to be in St. Clair on a tip from a coworker that there was a really unique crossbreed of dog there. I remember walking in and locking eyes with her. Her ears were bigger than her whole body. She had the biggest blue eyes.

She was just a tiny, sweet girl. Always timid. Never mean. She loved everyone she came into contact with. After she got out her "big dog" barks and growls, she would just annoy you to death with incessant kisses and contact. Through the years she saw me through some of the biggest ups and downs in my life and I can't say enough how much I will miss her. It will be weird not hearing her obsessively itch her belly. It will be weird not hearing her bark. 2 days ago her endless seizures started and I watched her body and brain fail her. She took care of me and now it's time to take care of her and end her suffering. Her favorite thing in the world to do was eat. She was as wide as she is long. And I am self proclaimed not always the best dog owner, but I think she had a good life. Life has a way of surprising you with these types of things and you are never prepared. But, this dog deserves the world and I truly know she will be taken care of in Heaven. God, please make sure and feed her extra from the table for me.

Love you always girl.