Tuesday, April 2, 2013

The one where I talk about my sister and iBaby.

Right now, my youngest nephew (18 months) is across the room during this glorious nap time totally acting insane. His gestures have ranged from hysterical laughing to Gene Simmons tongue actions. I could put up a Youtube video, but let's be honest it's fricking weird and sick and it makes me vomit that women in the 70's found that sexy. Now he's stamping his foot and growling and shaking the crib so wildly that he is moving it. I'm pretty sure we need an exorcist.

Today we are learning about robins in the infant/toddler room. We are also learning how to use a glue stick without eating it and a refresher in don't put safety scissors in your eyes or someone else's eyes. This should have all been covered in No No Yes Yes.



However, alas it is not. The only thing that book covers is not cutting your hair. It says nothing about gouging out eyes or eating glue. So, of course these are the things that happened. There was no actual eye gouging, just attempts. I run a tight ship. See also in things not allowed, trying to eat small choke-able glue stick caps that you have stolen off the top of the cubbies. In fact our oldest child decided that those little caps looked delicious. I should write these children's books. I'm pretty sure I could No No Yes Yes a whole slew of things that most parents wouldn't think of, for instance, No No trying to run over babies with the Power Wheels Jeep during recess. 

I'm not sure who decided that children ages 1 to 3 needed glue or scissor skills, but I'm pretty sure whomever it was intended upon starting a revolt. My guess is that it was this guy:


I expect the baby and toddler revolt to be a lot like the civil war except with less killing and a lot more crying and keeping you up all night with unreasonable demands and requests. And probably thanks to our curriculum, pretty intricate murdering machines made with glue and scissors. YOU'RE WELCOME. It might be just like this, except with a lot more fecal matter in pants:




My sister keeps on casually asking if I'm going to write about her doing stuff in my blog. Like her totally coming in late this morning. She gave me a faulty thing of blueberries when she came in, too. That shizz got everywhere. She made me do all the work while she sat on her laurels eating bon bons and watching Sweet Brown remixes and Harlem Shake videos. And she never salts her food. Like ever. WTF?! Seriously:

The person who made this ate Cristy's food and was so enraged that they had to make graffiti about it.

Oh and she's probably playing fucking Candy Crush Saga right now. She does shit like that. DON'T YOU SEND ME NO GAME REQUESTS. That's all I've got for now. 

I'll end with the funny story of the day. My nephew Miles was running around saying, "Precious, where is the Precious? I must find my Precious." I asked him if he was Golem and he said, "No, actually, I'm Jack." I'm like why do you have a Precious then? He's like I need to find my Precious. He generally doesn't answer questions. Turns out Harper was apparently the golden ring forged in Mordor. Epic. He kept calling her his Precious. Haha. She totally is.



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