Monday, April 22, 2013

The one where we do too much at once.

So, lately, I have way too many commitments. And I'm technically sick right now. But, I can't really be sick, so I'm deciding not to be. It totally works that way. And by totally works I mean I take a lot of Alka Seltzer cold. I need to invest in the company. My vacation is this week and that means my excitement level is super high. I'm ready to go to California and live like I'm in the Big Pimpin' video. Just kidding. I'm gonna have kids with me, so it will totally be PG. It will kind of be like Yo Gabba Gabba except with less plushies and furries and a lot less color. I will be DJ Lance. I'm awesome like that.

This past weekend we totally did way too much. Is this just how it is now? I started a Zumba class and so that was Saturday morning. Then we went to a family get together. Then I came home and had to go shopping for the vacation. Sunday we went to a birthday party and Tay had soccer. We have too many commitments. Kind of like right after we get back from vacation, we have to move. So, that's awesome. Pretty much every weekend is like that and so because of this, I no longer know the meaning of free time. This is probably why I decided hair brushing was an optional activity. Is this just society? Everyone lives balls to the wall constantly and we don't ever slow down and take a break ever. The thing about me is I f'ing love naps. I'm crazy about them. I would be napping right now if I could. Kids totally take naps for granted. I need to slow down.

I took a gamble and bought this really cool thing for Harper. It's called Citrus Lane. It's a monthly subscription thing, but I just bought one month because it was on sale for half off and it was actually really cool.  This month we got all sorts of cool stuff. Here is all the that came in the box:


It also came with some orange vanilla shampoo/body wash from the Honest Company. Harper really liked getting mail. Here is our review on the box. First, the paint with water set from Melissa & Doug is a huge hit. She was amazed when she opened it and got very excited to do them. Love, love, love Melissa & Doug stuff. Next, the placemat. Now, it's nice and all, but Harper thinks it's a baby blanket, so it's not all that useful as a placemat to us. It's pretty cool, though. Totally washable and you can write on it with markers. She will appreciate that one day. The drink holder is something that I've wanted to get for a long time, but never bit the bullet on. This one is cool because it is expandable to fit bigger bottles or milk jugs. The fruit mash up is always a good bet with Harp because she really likes mashed up fruits especially ones that come in that type of packaging that they can just "drink" it right out. Finally, the Honest Company shampoo is yet to get used, I threw it in our check bag for baths on the trip. I'll let you know what I think of it. Seriously, though, if you have an extra $25 a month, you should join Citrus Lane for your kiddos.

Monday, April 15, 2013

The one where we talk about tragedy.

In the aftermath of a tragedy, we all hug our kids a little tighter, love a little better, become more thankful, more vigilant. We stare pure evil in the face and we can either succumb to constant fear or overcome and still live our lives. The trick is to always take every moment that you have and live it like it's your last. Sometimes I get so absorbed in the everyday hustle and bustle that I don't stop and do that. I don't give thanks everyday for the good life that I have. I don't always revel in the fact that I have 2 healthy, wonderful children. And we should. We should not live in fear, we should live in fact. Fact that we all have an expiration date, fact that any parent out there with living, healthy children is lucky to have them. Live for those who have lost their lives and those who are living with real hardship. #prayforBoston

Thursday, April 11, 2013

The one where storms and business makes you extremely worn out.

So, running your own business can always be challenging. Especially when your partner gets strep throat and has to miss basically the whole week of work. Watching a lot of kids, cooking, and doing all the cleaning by yourself is exhausting. Then to top it all off, we had a super bad storm last night and Harp was too scared to sleep in her own bed so she wanted to sleep in mine. Which would have been fine except that my husband usually doesn't sleep in the same bed with us if she's in there, but last night he did. Which means that Kickle Me Elmo was a) kicking me all night b) kicking off MY covers c) crying about her binkie constantly that she kept spitting out. Every time I tried to take my blankets back, my husband would yank them away. So, I was  cold, got barely any sleep, and had to get up super early to go do all the work for the daycare. I'm exhausted right now. If someone asked me what I'd do for a cup of coffee right now, the answers would be disturbing. That kind of tired.

I am so happy I am only 2 weeks out from vacation. I am so happy tomorrow is Friday. I will kill someone for a coffee.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

The one where we start getting real.

It's been awhile since I've written. I've been trying to unplug this past weekend and really enjoy my daughter. See Mom With the iPhone. Today the water main near the daycare was being replaced, which left the daycare with no running water for several hours. Which means I got the day off. I was supposed to take Harper to the zoo on Saturday, which turned into a new kind of hell in of itself. Basically, the road that you take to get to the zoo was backed up for a mile or so. And instead of being a sane rational person and getting the hell out of dodge, I took a gamble and tried to go anyway. The next 3 hours of my life was kind of what I believe hell would be like. I sat in traffic for 3 hours trying to get the hell out of the park where the zoo was. Meanwhile, Harper spilled an entire soda on herself and got semi-overheated. While I was sitting in traffic, I pulled her out of carseat, stripped her buck nekkid and changed her. She cried. A lot. I cried, too. It was so fricking awful. Seriously, everyone in the tri-state area decided to go to the zoo. Literally all of the parking lots were full. It was scary. I, for at least 10 minutes, went certifiably insane and almost killed my best friend simply because it was her idea to go to the zoo. Holy schnikes. So, when I finally got out of there,  I drove as fast and as far away as I could and went to Suson Park. Which is normally like the most unbusy place ever, but it was busy, too, because they were having some sort of family fishing tournament. Weird. The concept that people actually do stuff like that. But, it still wasn't as busy as the zoo. And while I was there, I was reveling in what a cool and amazing person my kid is. I mean I'm biased and all, but this girl is awesome. She is funny, kind, smart, and endlessly loving. And I thought, self, remember when you read Mom with the iPhone? Live that. Unplug. And so I did. I didn't look at Facebook until she was in bed. I played with her while she went down the slide. I didn't take any pictures with my phone. I just sat there and loved my kid endlessly and was the kind of mom that I want to always be. But, life gets busy, and I own a business, and I have to get on the computer and I have shows that I like to watch. But, I am capable of unplugging and not checking my phone all the time for intakes for the daycare or updates on Facebook. I'm able to really actually live my life instead of being a passive viewer in everyone else's. And, the best and worst part was that Harper was wanting to do everything, "myself", "by myself", "myself", "I did it, I did it!". She let go of my hand and went to town. She didn't want mommy to catch her at the bottom of the slide. And it comes like a bat out of hell when you realize that your little girl will not always be little forever. And thoughts of this may be your only baby and are you really okay with that being the case.

The bottom line for me, is that it is not. And this is something that on most days my husband and I disagree upon. I have been incredibly raw on my blog and this is something that is harsh and uncomfortable and that most people like to pretend doesn't happen in their Facebook lives. The fact that at times you and your husband disagree on an issue that is so big that it may end up ending your marriage at some point. That is real. Now it may not always be babies or anything, but there will be an issue that is massive at some point in your relationship that requires one person to bend or it will break. The question is who will bend and when. Will it be my body or my age or my husband? I know in some way, shape, or form, I will be a mother again. Be it to foster children down the line or another one of my own or something.

Anyway, I have gotten way off topic, but my best blogs always seem to turn that direction. So, after Saturday's debacle, I decided to take Harper to the zoo. And again, I unplugged. But, this time I did take pictures. We rode the carousel for an hour. We laughed. She gave me kisses and told me, "I'm having a great day, mommy, I love you." We saw hippos fighting and a baby elephant and watched sea lions dance in the underwater tunnel. Here are some of my favorite pictures, all from the carousel, she just had pure elation:






And after the zoo, we went and visited Zak's grandma in the nursing home. And Harper ran up to her and held her in her arms for at least 15 minutes and completely melted me and Granny Di (or as Harper would call her "Dee Di")'s hearts. And again I was reminded of how endlessly kind this little person is. Sigh.

And then I came home and my husband and I had a disagreement and barely talked. And that is a reality in itself, too. Sometimes that happens. And then I had feelings of guilt when he talked about how sick he is of hearing or seeing my favorite show. And I just wanted to curl inside myself, and that is real. And that is what I'm trying to do with this blog. Vent about my real feelings and real occurrences and not sugar coat what life is like for me and probably most people. The end.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

The one where I had the worst service ever at a restaurant.

So, last night Zak had a doctor's appointment that he had forgotten about. We were going to go out to dinner, but since that wasn't working out, I asked my sister if she wanted to go out to eat. We went to Los Cabos a local Mexican joint that has good food. Boy were we in for a real treat. When we got inside, the host at the front was counting his tips and ignoring us. Hmm, that's kind of jerky. He didn't even look up at us or anything when he said, "How many?" We told him 7. He said to hold on and proceeded to add up his tips for awhile longer instead of seating us. Which alone would've been whatever. Finally, we got seated, given our chips and salsa (which of course the bottle was nasty and unclean). We sat for 15 minutes or so before the guy who was hosting came over because he was going to be our waiter, too (lucky us). I let my sister have the one high chair that we basically got ourselves and had to sit Harp in an adult chair. Zak ended up getting out early and calling us. I told him, "Come on Barbie, let's go party." By the time Zak got there we still hadn’t ordered our food yet. When our waiter brought our drinks they were all messed up. He didn’t know whose was whose and he brought Harp’s water in an adult glass (obviously doesn't have a 2 year old at home) and even though I asked him for one he never brought her one that had a lid. We didn’t even think about  asking him for new salsa. I asked the waiter if I could get a high chair and he acted really pissy about it. Go figure.

He came back and said, “What do you want?“ in an uber rude way. We sloughed it off again and acted pleasant towards him. My sister ordered and I ordered nachos supreme, you know uber loaded deliciousness nachos. Cristy said the word, ‘chicken’ after hers which is a key thing to remember later in the story. She said, “Nachos Supreme Chicken, please.” and I ordered a nachos supreme with no ground beef. Check. Shouldn't be an issue. A long, long time later, our food came out. The person who brought it wasn’t our waiter and he was in a super hurry. They brought out one nachos supreme with no ground beef and they gave it to Cristy. Cristy thought this was what she ordered and began to eat it. They handed me mine which they said was the same, but it clearly wasn’t. I saw that it didn’t have any beans on it, which is kind of the point of nachos supreme. I knew they would be coming back because they forgot my brother in law's dinner.  I waited for a really long time for our waiter to finally bring my brother in law’s food, so I could ask him for a new one. This was when the super fun exchange went on:

“Excuse me, sir, this has no beans on it.”
“Uh, yeah, that’s what you ordered. You said nachos supreme ONLY chicken (voice escalating every minute).”
“Sir, no I didn’t, I asked for a nachos supreme with no ground beef.”
“Yes, you did, you said a nachos supreme with ONLY chicken. That’s what YOU said.”
I reiterate again. “Well, then SHE (pointing to my sister) has YOURS.”
“Okay, well, I would like beans.”
Yelling at this point, “SHE HAS YOURS, SHE SAID NACHOS SUPREME WITH ONLY CHICKEN!” (Okay, but she’s already eaten like half of them because you haven’t come back to the table for like 10 or 15 minutes, and this is irrelevant at this point.)
“Okay, can you please just fix mine?”
“YEAH, I CAN IN LIKE 2 SECONDS, BUT THOSE ARE YOURS!”
“Dude, what is your deal, can you please just fix this?!?!”

Guy takes the food back, brings it back and slams it on the table, “Here you go, chicken AND beans!” I obviously didn’t feel comfortable eating them considering how crazy aggressive the guy was being.

My husband finished his meal and went up and complained to the manager and got money taken off of our bill and quite obviously this jerk didn’t care about a tip. God, how miserable must your life be to act like that to total strangers. I will never EVER go back to that place and don’t suggest it for anyone else, either. Unless you want to take the risk of getting screamed at.

I just don't get it nowadays. I get that working in food can be a thankless, tiring job. I really do. I worked in food for 7 years. I get it. But, when you go and actually sit down and pay good money at a restaurant this is what you want from the waiter:


This is how our waiter made us feel:


So, that’s my fun story about the worst service ever. Totally bummed that I didn’t get good Mexican food. My husband probably won’t want to go again for awhile since he had his food and it totally had no spit or
anything. Lucky.



Tuesday, April 2, 2013

The one where I talk about my sister and iBaby.

Right now, my youngest nephew (18 months) is across the room during this glorious nap time totally acting insane. His gestures have ranged from hysterical laughing to Gene Simmons tongue actions. I could put up a Youtube video, but let's be honest it's fricking weird and sick and it makes me vomit that women in the 70's found that sexy. Now he's stamping his foot and growling and shaking the crib so wildly that he is moving it. I'm pretty sure we need an exorcist.

Today we are learning about robins in the infant/toddler room. We are also learning how to use a glue stick without eating it and a refresher in don't put safety scissors in your eyes or someone else's eyes. This should have all been covered in No No Yes Yes.



However, alas it is not. The only thing that book covers is not cutting your hair. It says nothing about gouging out eyes or eating glue. So, of course these are the things that happened. There was no actual eye gouging, just attempts. I run a tight ship. See also in things not allowed, trying to eat small choke-able glue stick caps that you have stolen off the top of the cubbies. In fact our oldest child decided that those little caps looked delicious. I should write these children's books. I'm pretty sure I could No No Yes Yes a whole slew of things that most parents wouldn't think of, for instance, No No trying to run over babies with the Power Wheels Jeep during recess. 

I'm not sure who decided that children ages 1 to 3 needed glue or scissor skills, but I'm pretty sure whomever it was intended upon starting a revolt. My guess is that it was this guy:


I expect the baby and toddler revolt to be a lot like the civil war except with less killing and a lot more crying and keeping you up all night with unreasonable demands and requests. And probably thanks to our curriculum, pretty intricate murdering machines made with glue and scissors. YOU'RE WELCOME. It might be just like this, except with a lot more fecal matter in pants:




My sister keeps on casually asking if I'm going to write about her doing stuff in my blog. Like her totally coming in late this morning. She gave me a faulty thing of blueberries when she came in, too. That shizz got everywhere. She made me do all the work while she sat on her laurels eating bon bons and watching Sweet Brown remixes and Harlem Shake videos. And she never salts her food. Like ever. WTF?! Seriously:

The person who made this ate Cristy's food and was so enraged that they had to make graffiti about it.

Oh and she's probably playing fucking Candy Crush Saga right now. She does shit like that. DON'T YOU SEND ME NO GAME REQUESTS. That's all I've got for now. 

I'll end with the funny story of the day. My nephew Miles was running around saying, "Precious, where is the Precious? I must find my Precious." I asked him if he was Golem and he said, "No, actually, I'm Jack." I'm like why do you have a Precious then? He's like I need to find my Precious. He generally doesn't answer questions. Turns out Harper was apparently the golden ring forged in Mordor. Epic. He kept calling her his Precious. Haha. She totally is.



Monday, April 1, 2013

The one where I try and deal with life and not get swallowed whole.

The weather lately has been amazing and mucho appreciated in the daycare world. The children have been able to go outside and play which keeps us all a little more sane. This past weekend was Easter and Harper was really big enough to get egg hunting and the Easter bunny and it was so much fun to see her go crazy for it. Plus, I got to dress her in really super cute clothes which is always a plus. Here are some pics from her Easter fun:


She kept dropping all the eggs in and saying, "BLOOP!"



Saturday we went out and served some eviction papers and we made as much money as I normally do in a month in a couple of hours. That was amazing and depressing. We usually don't get that many at a time,  but we really needed it with vacation coming up. We really want to buy early check-in on the plane so we can make sure that we are all sitting in the same vicinity. Southwest doesn't do assigned seats which is kind of a bummer. Then we caught up with Zak's dad and had some delicious Steak n Shake and then went back to his place and visited with him and his amazing girlfriend, Jane. She's like my second mom. We also borrowed an awesome suitcase from Zak's dad for the trip and we are all getting pretty darn excited about it.

Sunday we went to Zak's mom's and did an Easter egg hunt, ate lots of good food, and visited. The weather was perfect and we sat out on the deck and just hung out and relaxed. I made an awesome dinner of chicken and loaded baked potatoes and all was right with the world.

We have lots of kids out from daycare today, so things are pretty slow which is nice. I've been feeling really depressed lately about the house. I'm ready to move and to not have to think about the depressing fact that we aren't going to be living there much longer. I'm really nervous about the addition of another payment and hope that we can knuckle down and make it work. We are going to become a 1 car household which is a little bit nerve wracking, too. I really hope that we just save a lot of money by doing all of this to make up for the fact that we are adding something new. 

Zak and I switched over to cash budgeting and it seems to somewhat help our spending. We only have so much so we can only spend so much. It's been really tough to not live above our means. We were used to a certain type of lifestyle with my old job and we have had somewhat good fortune in just floating from month to month. The hardest part is not eating out every 5 minutes. But, it's really tough when you work as much as I do to muster up the energy to cook after working and being depressed all the time doesn't help either. I'm just thankful that Zak and I are not currently having marital problems on top of it or it would be enough to just swallow me whole. We suffer from issues from time to time, but I've really been trying to let go of all my stress when I get home and it's working out okay. Now if he could just refrain from not thinking before speaking the whole world would live in peace and happiness. ;) 

I guess that is all for now. Rambling on and on.