Wednesday, March 27, 2013

The one where I look like death and talk about bits and being crazy.

So, I totally just freaked myself out just now when I looked in the mirror. I actually look like the crypt creeper. I have not gotten a full 8 hours of sleep in I don't know how long. If I ever want to get a full 8 hours of sleep, I have to go to bed by 8 p.m. which officially makes me at least 80 years old. So, today I am looking especially ghoulish thanks to my sweet daughter who never sleeps and thanks to the fact that instead of going to bed early when my mother in law took Harper last night like a g.d.'d saint I wanted some g.d.'d ice cream. Plus, by the time I get to Wednesday that means I've already worked at least 36 hours. I work 12-14 hours a day y'all. Seriously, my bags have bags today. They are packing for a 20 year vacation. I just took this sweet selfie:

Ignore my unusually poor artwork. I'm doing this on my laptop. I think that's pretty damn good considering I'm using the stupid little touch pad. Who invented those things anyway? What a sadist. 

Back to ice cream, though, ever since I had Harp, I have the sweet tooth from hell. And yes, we had ice cream at home. We still have some from her birthday party because my mother in law bought the hugest thing ever x2. She is literally the best. See the time she got us groceries, watched the kids, brought us care packages every time we are sick, made homemade chicken noodle soup for us, etc. Literally, the best mother in law ever.


But, here's the deal. I may have a sweet tooth, but I'm frickin spoiled as hell when it comes to my sweets. Plain ice cream, get that shit away from me. I've got to have bits. I even coined the phrase to Zak, I gotta have my bits. Hell, even McD's knows I want bits. It says something about bits on the side of the McFlurry. It's all like, regular ice cream is shit, where 'da bits at?! I should work in marketing.

I'm like this with everything. I'm a picky bastard. Seriously, Z hates going to get stuff for me at fast food places because I'm annoyingly weird and picky. I'm all about customizing shit. And if it gets f'd up then the conversation goes like this, "Oh, you got bacon on my bacon cheddar potato wedges that I specifically requested no bacon on and you forgot the sour cream" "Sorry" "Oh, it's fiiiiinnnneee." <---- When I say fine like that, it's not fine. I'm not going to eat that shit. My husband is used to my craziness and he acts awesome about it. One time when I was a million months pregnant and really crazy and he was doing one of my weird no ground beef substitute beans add cheese type of orders he actually like pleaded with the person taking the order, "Please god, do me a solid, and don't screw this up, my wife is a million months pregnant and will kill us both." God, what a poor, poor bastard to deal with me when I was pregnant. That Taco Bell guy probably really, really felt sorry for my husband. They didn't screw it up, though which means they were probably afraid something like this was going to happen:


I was soooo crazy when pregnant. This post is getting too long, so I'll have to spare you some of the crazy for another day. But, I'll end with a funny kid story, my nephew was playing with Matchboxes and was all like, "LOOK AT THIS I GOT A HOOKER CAR! IT'S A HOOKER CAR! HOOKER CAR! HOOKER CAR!" which upon further inspection is not an 84 Chevy Impala, it's actually a tow truck.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

The one where we talk about first world problems and nap time.

Today seems to be going okay. I no longer like to use words like perfect or good for fear of disturbing the powers that be into thinking that I need another really bad day. Harper seems to be doing loads better already with her new medicine and her ear drops. Her ear drops that I almost gave myself a heart attack with because I almost dropped them right into her eye. Literally landed like 1 millimeter from her eye as I screamed, "Noooo!" in slow motion.

Right now, I am taking  over in the advanced preschool room (4 to 5 years old) during nap time. Nap time to 4 to 5 year olds means looking at each other from across the room and trying to mouth things to each other because they think I'm too stupid to notice. And then me telling them over and over to face away from each other and them acting surprised that I actually can type on my computer and watch them at the same time. It's like I'm some sort of Charlie Sheen warlock magic creature with tiger's blood. So, I just said, "Face the dress up clothes" again for the thousandth time. My nephew is under our preschool table playing Angry Birds because he is having a rough day. He has sensory processing and when he has his off days, he really has a bad day. He won't do anything he is supposed to. But, playing games calms him down, so we take what we can get even though it causes the other kids to act worse than usual because they want to play games, too, and not nap ever. 

So we are under a month out from vacation which is really exciting. It seems like the teenager is finally getting excited about going, too. She totally was all first world probleming it about vacation. Zak and I originally wanted to go to Vegas, but she wouldn't go if she couldn't bring a girlfriend and threw a huge stink. First world problem. So, then I decide to do California and to make it a surprise. Except for the fact that my husband has a huge mouth, and pretty much ruined my scheme. Very frustrating. He mentioned places we could go, like California, which she threw a HUGE temper tantrum about. Said there was no way she would ever want to go there, etc. The girl is on crack. Apparently, she wanted to go to Texas (WTF?!) and so no place but Texas was acceptable. Who the hell wants to go to Texas anyway unless you are going to Schlitterbahn. I don't know, she's impossible to please. So, finally, I said F the surprise just tell her and she was pissed and I just kept wanting to yell, FIRST WORLD PROBLEM! Because, seriously, I DON'T WANT TO GO TO CALIFORNIA, WAH! Seriously?! California, sunny all the time 70 degree weather San Diego, right next to the ocean? Seriously? Just one more example of how you can't please teenagers ever. See this post where I talk about angry teenagers.

She appears to be actually happy about it for now. But, I'm prepared for it to change at any minute. Well, anyway, if you need me I'll be busy practicing my travel hacks.


Monday, March 25, 2013

The one where we talk about insurance.

So, I must have enjoyed yesterday too much because today was the stark opposite of a good, perfect day. A little after midnight Harp woke up screaming about her ears hurting. She has had so many ear infections this winter it's not even funny. She just came off of a 2 round course of antibiotics for her ears. The weather is still crappy and I had to get to work. We couldn't really afford for Z to take off with her, but he did to at least get her into the doctor. The doctor was really hesitant to put her on another course of antibiotics. So, we might have to go to an ENT. He put her on some drops and antibiotics and if they don't work, then we will be back to ENT city. I say back, because when Harp was a baby, she was diagnosed with laryngomalacia, or a floppy voice box. Here is a picture of what that is:


So, basically her larynx and epiglottis are misshaped which causes very noisy breathing, reflux, impeded airway, etc. So, we had to go to an ENT when she was a little baby and it's really upsetting to know that she may have some other malformed inner war that is going to be causing her more problems and possibly have to get tubes in her ears. She has been sick for at least 3 months straight, though, and I'm just ready for her to catch a break and feel better. So, I was already a little down about that, but then Z goes to get her prescription filled and we are told that the antibiotic will cost us $286 because our insurance won't cover it. Back in January, we couldn't make the insurance payment and when we shopped around, Harp and I had to get really crappy health insurance because we couldn't afford our good insurance any longer. And to feel like I was messing with her health by leaving my job and everything, it was just really depressing. Also, to make matters worse, the doc forgot to call in the ear drops for her, so there was literally nothing we could do to try and relieve her pain but Tylenol which wasn't even touching it for her. She was fevering right through it. 

We called her ped and got them to send in the ear drops and a new cheaper antibiotic, but I can't help but feel really upset about us having to take risks with our medication that we are allowed because we can't afford any damn thing. And to even take her to the doctor is an arm and a leg where we are concerned. And, though I always recommend following your heart, doing what you dream, and  going for it no matter what the cost to live happily, that does not mean it does not come with it's share of hardships and pain. On a good note, since the weather has been so poor and there is still a lot of snow on the ground, we only had 3 kids at the daycare today which has been great since I've been dealing with so much today. Very excited that one of my 18 month old kiddos learned the sign for green today. He signed it to me when we got to the color of the month. Moments like that make this worth while. I know in my heart I made the right decision and I am doing the right thing, but that doesn't make it less hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps and dive in head first. It will be and is the hardest thing that I've ever done, but I know that we will continue to grow and be successful and one day all of this hardship will be a distant memory.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

The one where I had a perfect day.

Today was awesome. Like don't take my word for it, take Ice Cube's. 

Nothing overtly exciting happened other than SNOWMAGEDDON of course. So much for Spring. Me and Harp woke up this morning at about 5:45 and I laughed at the weatherman because NOTHING was going on outside. And I was all like, snowstorm my butt. HAHA! And then it started coming down. And the weatherman laughed at me. Dave Murray came to my house. And, I don't like to brag or anything, but we totally had some THUNDERSNOW. My dog, Kimbo, is totally terrified of thunder and lightning and murdering murderers. He had a complete conniption during the awesome thundersnow. This was Harp's first time really getting out in the snow and she had a really great time. Evidenced by these photos:


Please ignore the extremely poor quality of our snow child. I am aware that he is not even round.




Harp and our "special" snow child.

Kimbo enjoys snow. As long as it isn't THUNDERSNOW. THUNDERSNOW should always be in all caps.

We all had an awesome time throwing snowballs and making our poor "special" snowchild. He is pretty deformed. I'm not going to lie, if it was like Frosty the Snowman and he came to life, I would probably have to kill him with a shovel because he would be totally freaky. He doesn't have any appendages, eyes, or general face type pieces. After awhile, we came back in and had hot cocoa. Harp hasn't ever had it before that I know of and she totally approved. Lunch rolled around and we made oven baked grilled cheese and tomato soup which was just the perfect meal. We all got a bit of a nap, downloaded a bunch of demos on the PS3 to play and just hung out. And, the teenager was less crabby even though her soccer game got cancelled. All is right with the world. Made an amazing Harper approved ham steak, au gratin potatoes, and cheesy broccoli for dinner. Also evidenced by this meme:


Some days are just perfect and all is right with the world. We didn't get anything done that we were supposed to, but hey, that's okay. Teenager is quite excited now because we just got the call, no school tomorrow! I'm leaving you with my delicious ham steak recipe.

BEST, QUICKEST, MOST DELICIOUS BOSS HAM STEAK RECIPE
Ingredients:
  • One uber delicious ham steak, get one that has a lot of purpleish color in it, that is the BOSS ham color
  • Syrup, not sizzurp, like the kind you use for pancakes
Step 1: Cut all the fat and the bone (if applicable) off that bitch. Cut it into little pieces. I always do triangles. Let's face it TRIANGLES ARE BOSS. Throw that shizz in a skillet.
Step 2: Poor some syrup all over those bitches. 
Step 3: Cook on medium heat for about 15 minutes turning frequently until all the liquid from the ham and syrup is pretty much gone and your ham has a caramel color but is not burnt. 
Step 3: PUT IT IN YO' MOUTH. BOSS.

Pair with something that is preferably covered with cheese. That's how I do it. BOSS.








Saturday, March 23, 2013

The one where we talk about hormones and learn that I never ever put stuff back where it belongs.

So, the thing about living with a teenager is that they are always pretty much angry. Like pretty much you could be like here is $100 and it would piss them off. I've drawn a cartoon dramatization in case you wondered what it is like and needed a visual aide.

Yeah, I drew that shizz. I'm not gonna lie, I'm totally super talented in many different ways. Including drawing. LIKE A BOSS. So, anyway, we are having an angry weekend at my house and it's been super fun.  We've already gotten a new swimsuit, went to a birthday party, have a friend over, got movies, and cookie cake, and nothing has equated to happiness. It's super tough because hormones are evil biotches and I totally get it. See, me being a teenager, and hating my dad and totally plotting his demise because women be completely crazy pretty much all the time. I like to think that as an adult, you get all better and whole, but let's be honest, sometimes I'm still fuckin' nuts. Lol.

It's just, my husband just drives me really crazy sometimes. He is amazing. He has been so great during my whole quitting my job, having no money, going through the process of losing the house thing, and it's been crazy how great he is. But, the dude is also endlessly frustrating. Like, no dude, I'm never gonna put shit back where it belongs. Look, we been together 8 years and I don't ever put anything away. So, I'm not going to start now. Don't waste your breath. I put shit "away" in my own way. And don't you ever mess with my kitchen. You don't cook, stay the hell out of there. Where are the brown lunch bags? Oh, really, we threw them away? WE? Oh, we never used them? NO, WE used them every time your kid needs a lunch to go to school. WE totally used them. Sigh. But, alas, I love him. He's super adorbs. He's endlessly kind. But, if you are sitting there and saying you never once had your husband annoy the shit out of you, you are a filthy liar. And YOU KNOW IT! In fact, I have a meme for that:


So, anyway, I'd better get back to World War 3 because being kind and loving really pisses teenagers off. And, that's what me and Z decided we were going to do, just be there and love, and wait for her to come back around. 

I'll leave you with a funny Harper story. I was getting dressed to go to the store and Harper asked me why I was wearing a seat belt. Apparently a bra looks a lot like a seat belt. Then she wanted a seat belt of her own and was prancing around wearing a seat belt proudly. I love my daughter so, so much!

Friday, March 22, 2013

The one where you learn children must go outside.

So, seriously, I hate Missouri weather right now. First off, for the past couple of days it's been deceivingly sunny outside. All of the kids think we are mean torturers who are punishing them because we don't let them outside when it's sunny which they equate to hot. It's been in the 20's which means we can't take the kiddos outside. Like, legally, we can't. Because they will freeze their little tushies off. But, the thing is that when these kids don't go outside, they act insane. I am exhausted, because turns out our little flu that we thought we had was actually Fifth Disease. Harper looks like somebody done pimp slapped her little face. My poor little girl. And I guess I didn't get the luck of having ye ol' parvovirus as a child, so now I have it. So, I've been running a low grade fever and have some majorly achy joints and bones and nausea. So, I'm already a crab. But, these children are driving me nuts. They can't run around inside without hurting themselves, but they can't release all their pent up crazy energy because they can't go outside. AAAAHHHH!!! I just want to curl up in a little ball and go to sleep. Heck of it is, they'd just wake me up. ;o)

Life stinks. In other news, we will be moving soon next door to the daycare. My dad owns a trailer next to there and when the house gets foreclosed upon we'll be going there. Happy to know we won't be homeless, but sad to know we won't be living in our house anymore in a few months. We really grew attached to it and thought it would be our house for awhile. Grin and bear it, huh? It's easier to say home is what you make it then to actually feel that way.

Funny kid quote for the day, sitting at lunch one of the little girls was telling me an awesome story, "So, my grandma lets me drink soda, but I have to keep it a secret from my mom and dad because it is our little secret! Once upon a time, a beautiful calm little girl drank SODA from her grandma and it was a secret!" Haha, the girl is a firecracker. So frickin' funny.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

The one where we learn about my obsession with vacation and contests.

So, when I was a kid, things were weird. Like, super weird. Like I never left the state of Missouri (besides Illinois) until I was 23. My dad ran his own business and he couldn't ever leave it or chose not to. So, as a kid, we never got to take any vacations anywhere. I always hated everyone who would come back from summer vacation and they had gone to Disney World or Florida, or ANYWHERE at all. It was always a really big upset for me to never get to go anywhere or do anything.

So, when I grew up and started making real money, the first thing I wanted to do was GET THE HECKFIRE OUT OF HERE. So, my sister and I road tripped it to Florida to see Universal Studios, Sea World, Busch Gardens, and the ocean. Needless to say, my little mind was blown and I knew that when I had kids, I would always take them somewhere and never deprive them of the world. When my stepdaughter was 9 going on 10, we road tripped to Florida with my mother in law, me, and my husband. That trip was the trip from fricking hell. But, that is a different story. The year we had Harper we didn't go anywhere because things were too crazy. Last year we went to Kansas City. And in only 34 sweet days we are all going to San Diego. This will be the furthest west my husband has ever been and my first time ever in that direction at all. Also, Harp's first time on a plane. We are going to the San Diego Zoo, Safari Park, and Sea World. I'm super stoked to see another ocean, too. Plus, it's supposedly constantly gorgeous. I am so overly excited for vacation I can hardly stand it! 

I digress, so with my weird obsession with showing my kids the world also comes this crazy, crazy obsession with taking Harper to Disney World when she is still little. But, Disney World is expensive. Like, if I sold my kidney I wouldn't have enough to pay for it expensive. Like, I may have to surrogate a child to pay for it expensive. So, a few months ago, I started entering Disney contests. Like a lot of them, like every single day like a slightly crazy person. You may laugh, but I've won runner up before. I got 50 sweet free Amazon dollars. I bought my new luggage set with it. Luggage I'm going to take with me when I win my Disney World trip bitches. I'd like to say that I have a lot of free time where I can't really do anything but use the computer quietly when I'm working during nap time. This is like 2 hours at least where I have to entertain myself, so maybe my crazy contest obsession isn't that big of a deal. But, I'm probably just rationalizing, because if I'm being honest, I enter them on the weekends, too. If you ever want to become crazy and try to win contests the best blogs for doing so are http://www.mousesavers.com and http://disneycontests.blogspot.com.

So, anyway, I'll leave you with a vacation countdown timer to look at with me and dream. And also, another reason why my job is AMAZING. We have a child that is completely non verbal and who started daycare to try and improve his speech. I've been working with him a lot on words. Today he said, "Fish" and "Bubble"! So, exciting! As Charlie Sheen aka the Warlock would say, "Winning!"


Wednesday, March 20, 2013

The one where we rename 2013 "The Year of the Flu".

So, I don't even know how bad our luck is, or whatever, but right now Bajesus hates us. Like, super hates us. So, for Christmas this past year, Santa got us the stomach flu. And then for New Years, Bajesus got us the stomach flu. And then because my sister was having an anniversary in early February, he thought he'd be original and give us the stomach flu. And then Valentines Day rolled around and Bajesus sat around and he thought, hey, let's do something really crazy. And all of his little friends were like, you know who hasn't had the flu too much, the S. family. They frickin' love the flu. And so, he gave us some stomach flu.

So, when sweet innocent Harper woke up at midnight last night screaming, "WIPE ME OFF!" indicating to me that she had vomited EVERYWHERE, it was kind of surreal, because how is it even possible that one family could have the stomach flu not like once or twice, but five times. FIVE FRIGGIN' TIMES. I think this deserves a meme.


He was being especially cruel since we aren't over the 6ish week cold from heck fire. Seriously, if you ever have a wild hair and you decide, "Hey, I'm going to quit my reasonably ailment inflicted office job that even with stale, recirculated air still only sees me out 2 or 3 times a year and start a business full of tiny people who have no regard for germs", just be informed beforehand that a daycare is what people in the biological warfare business like to call a HOT ZONE. This means that everything you touch is contaminated. You will constantly be sick because no matter how many times you wash your hands or sanitize, these children will SPIT IN YOUR MOUTH. They will rub snot on you. You will be cleaning up fecal matter and urine all day. Daycare work, not for germ-a-phobes. Children are little, sweet typhoid MARYS! End rant. 

I'll leave you with my funny quote for the day. I always ask the kids how they get so big when I change their diapers because I always pretend they are really heavy when I lift them on the changing table, and one of the boys today said, "BECAUSE I EAT MEEEAAAATTTTTT!" Haha. Kids. 

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

The one where you learn the cost of the dream.

I'm not ashamed to admit that living my dream has cost my family everything. So, when last night my husband and I were trying to figure out where we were going to live after the house is foreclosed on, which is impending swiftly, and we set out a budget, I wasn't overly surprised that we just don't have enough to afford, well, anything. We are living on a nearly nonexistent budget. We have cut corners everywhere. And, we still have maybe $300 left for paying for a home. When I saw this picture, it really embodied my feelings.


That's right, at minimum wage, basically half of your pay for the month is spent to even be able to afford rent on a two bedroom apartment. I make $100 a week right now. This is basically nothing. I work 70 hours a week and make a little over a dollar an hour. This is all out of my own choosing, but doesn't mean that I don't struggle constantly with the position I've put my family in. My husband wouldn't want me putting up his salary, but I will tell you that it is less than double minimum wage. So basically, we are raising a family of 4 on   nothing. And America wants you to live the dream, but you pull yourself up by your boot straps and you do it on your own.

And all I can do is hope and hope that my daycare will continue to be successful so that we can afford somewhere to live when the time comes and we lose our other American dream of owning our own  house. So tough.

Monday, March 18, 2013

The one where I quit my job.

Welcome one and all to my blog. I am a 27 year old wife, mom to a baby girl, step mom to a teenager, and a daycare owner. I live in rural Missouri.

I used to be the big bread winner in our house, an office manager for a big DWI law firm which other than a lot of funny stories and really good money, really made me unhappy. So, one day, I decided to quit. This is how the conversation went with my husband. Keep in mind that this is a dramatization.


I quit and completely changed everything in my entire life. I decided to work with kids (my daughter was about a year old). It has been a huge struggle to make my dream happen. I work with my sister, my best friend in this world, and I get to see my daughter everyday. I get to help raise other people's kids, too. It is
never boring, that is for sure. We have 17 kiddos, 13 boys and 4 girls. That really makes it interesting.

My husband went from never paying bills before in his life to being Mr. Mom. He worries about breakfasts, getting our baby ready to go in the morning, bills, laundry, dishes, pretty much everything, while I work 70 hours a week living the American dream. The American dream has cost us everything and gained us everything, too. We went from living comfortably to constantly scraping by. We put all of our eggs into this daycare's basket and we are really learning to adjust to a whole different life style. I went from being completely miserable to complete fulfillment. It has changed my core. I will leave you all with that.